Sunday, April 11, 2010


The Difference Between Love and Crushes

Q: How to differentiate between love and crush? The sources on the internet often contradict so I need the pros to discuss. Possibly Baronic?

Crushes and Love

Crush is that rush of feelings u feel all of a sudden. especially when u meet someone new. Those so called "love at first sight" is never love, they're ALWAYS crushes. You cannot fall in love with someone you do not know. U have to understand the person intimately before you can consider that you're in love.

Crushes are merely a surge of attraction u feel for someone, whether its just a physical attribute you're attracted to, or a character trait. You can suddenly notice and learn to like the character of your close friend and have a crush on them. (if its your close friend, and u understand her very well, its possible to skip the crush phase and go fall in love as u understand the person already)

Although a lot of people think, "oooo i got a crush on someone, i cant get over them, help T.T" thats actually pure BS. They watched too many korean movies. As i said earlier a crush is merely a very strong feeling of attraction.

One can even have a crush on SOMEONE ELSE while being in love with another. You can totally love your partner and still find someone else who has a trait that u like, attractive. WHich is perfectly normal and fine. What matters is what your proceed to do once you already have this crush


i) accept that u find this person very attractive, how your heart skips a beat every time u see the person, and keep telling yourself how much u "love" her and cant live without her, which is stupid and self detrimental, as you havent even dated her yet, and you're already encouraging your lil crush to go to the extremes. Or worse, if you're already in a relationship, you convince yourself to leave the person u love for the person u THOUGHT you're in love with.

ii) Accept that you find this person attractive, and let it slide. let it sorta wash over you. Don't fight it down exactly, since the more u try to NOT think of something, the more you tend to actually DO think of something. Just accept it. understand it. "Ah, i'm having a small crush on this person. i wonder why. oh its because she's always cheerful. that's nice." and walk away, knowing that this is the kinda trait that u like. In time, this attraction will dim itself down or fade away, as long as u learn to accept it and let it wash over u.

iii) If u are single and find that u wish to pursue the crush, you must first again, like step 2, learn to accept it, and understand it. Learn to to think "ah, i have a crush on her. i think hmmm, its because she's really cute when she smiles, its physical attraction". Once u understand your crush, and its trait, as in whether physical or what not, u can try to ask her out perhaps, to get to learn her more. Because u UNDERSTAND your crush, u know what to look out for when u date, to ensure you're truly compatible. (fine she's attractive when she's happy, when she's sad? other habits? etc)I'm not saying be a robot and analyze the relationship like one, but understanding and knowing how to judge a relationship objectively, rather than being like a giddy school girl who only knows how to say "i love him i love him i love him" without understanding why, can help your relationship TRULY last long. You have foundation, you have compatibility, and if u can handle the emotional aspects of the relationship, then you've found a mate.

Then your crush will evolve into love, and you probably cant really tell the differences. I wont go and describe how a person in love would behave as it varies. But remember, you cannot "love" a person when u don't know the person

If u get rejected and break down a cry like a rejected puppy, you're in step i)

Here's something i got from teenadvice, which i agree upon, to complement my last point. See bolded ones.

Signs of a good healthy relationship

  1. You can't help but smile when you see her/him and s/he is always smiling back.
  2. You feel comfortable and secure in the relationship and really trust your partner not to hurt you; ie, there is no need for jealousy or suspicion.
  3. There have been good times and bad times and through, or in spite of, them all you have remained together.
  4. There are no major dramas in the relationship; ie, you do not test one anothers love, engage in relationship foiling gossip or feel the need to play games.
  5. You each do kind and thoughtful things for the other "just because" and doing them makes both people feel good.
  6. Outside pressures are few and far between; there are none or only minor issues with peers, friends, family and teachers.
  7. There is no violence in the relationship at all -- NONE!
  8. You enhance one another, neither one of you presses the other to do things that may lead to harm or that the other is opposed to doing.
  9. The things that make you different do not push you apart; ie, different religions, cultural backgrounds or personal beliefs.
  10. There is no sacrifice, only compromise.
  11. Sex or no sex: it doesn't matter, either way it isn't an issue and nobody has been pressured to do something they weren't ready to do.
  12. You know that everything you feel is returned in kind by your partner.

I damn LOVE sentence 11.

Copy from/Credit to~~~:: Heretical Ranting

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